The Hedge witch
by Avilia
Summary: Set in the same universe as my Anders prompt "The first".  Anders finds himself in need of help from an unexpected source.  Rated M for concepts and possibly more later on.
1. Chapter 1

He was squashing her, but she didn't mind. Lifting her legs a little she hooked them around his and sighed happily.

"I liked that."

"I should hope so." He knew was probably crushing her but couldn't find the energy to move. "Push me a bit."

"Pardon?"

"Push my shoulders, I'm too exhausted to move under my own power." He enjoyed the sound of her soft giggle. "You laugh but its true."

"You're silly Anders."

"Just what a man wants to hear after sex. Not 'you're amazing Anders' or 'you're a stud Anders', but 'you're silly Anders'. I'm crushed." Gathering his energy he managed to roll them over, so she was lying on his chest. "There. Much better."

"Hmm." Stretching she wiggled a little then settled down to sleep. "Night."

"Night pet."

. . .

Anders was jolted awake when someone very rudely pounded on the door. Opening one eye he glared at it. When the pounding started again he relaxed. Next door. Turning he sighed and tried to go back to sleep.

Cursed pounding started up again. His door this time. Sighing he rolled out of bed and stumbled over to the door. Opening it just enough he peered out.

"What?" Lovely, Templars. Just what he was hoping to find. Not.

"We're hunting for a dangerous maleficar. We've had a report she's at this inn."

"I've been in my room all night."

"Alone ser?"

Anders laughed. "No. I hired company for the night." He loved making Templars blush. "If that's all, since you've woken me, I might have another taste."

"Ah, yes, sorry to disturb you." Enjoying the sound of that apology Anders firmly shut and door and locked it. Stumbling slightly he walked back to the bed and fell in. His 'companion' snuggled up behind him making him wish he actually had the energy for more sex. He didn't and wouldn't for a while. "I think you've managed to kill me pet."

"No." Running her hand down his arm she linked their fingers. "You're just tired."

"I'm just tired."

"If you sleep now you'll feel better in the morning."

"If I sleep now I'll feel better in the morning."

"Sleep." He responded instantly and was asleep. Sitting up she unclasped their hands then wiped the blood off hers onto his chest. "Anders." Dipping her finger in the blood she scribed a symbol on his forehead. "My Anders."

Even asleep he tried to fight the spell. Frowning he struggled against the invisible bonds she was casting around him. "Shh. Don't."

Throwing one leg over his body she sat perched across his stomach. "Anders." Leaning over she lifted the small dagger off the table there and holding her hand up, sliced a cut across her palm. The blood dripped slowly out of her clenched fist as she scribed the symbol again. This time larger and over his chest. "My Anders."

He seemed to give up the struggle suddenly, letting out a long soft breath. "That's right. My Anders."

. . .

"Maker I feel terrible. The ale in this place must be worse than I thought." Anders tried sitting up and when that didn't cause his head to fall off, stood. "Argh." Trying one step at a time seemed prudent.

"New vow Anders. No ale in strange taverns." Finally reaching the wash bowl he poured a pitcher full into it and dropped his head down into the chilly water. Ahh. Much better.

Feeling markedly more human after that, he managed to wash and dress before moving around the room to gather his belongings. "I'm sure I brought something else with me." Standing still he scanned the room but couldn't see what he might have missed. "Curse it what was it?" Oh well, whatever it was can't be too important or he'd remember it.

Throwing the pack over his shoulder Anders walked down to the innkeeper.

"You're looking better ser, if you don't mind me saying."

"Pardon?"

"We thought you might die on us. Looks like Cook's soup did the trick just like she said."

"I was sick? I don't remember that."

"The healer said you might not. She fixed you up and gave us the coin to look after you. You were bedridden for nigh on a week."

"A. Week! Andraste's knickers, no wonder I feel like a crushed nug."

"Heh, I bet you do ser. We thought at first you was bewitched or something, but that healer, she said it was a disease of some sort. Probably from bad food." He hastened to add. "Oh not bad food from here. Only the freshest food here."

"Well, my thanks for looking after me. And fetching a healer. She can't have been easy to find."

"Er, no ser." Eyes averted the Innkeeper pretended to wipe down the bar. After giving Anders a quick glance he leaned closer and lowered his voice. "Truth be told she's a hedge witch, not what you'd call a regular proper healer. But she's good and she came when we asked. Don't know where she got the coin to pay us, but coin is coin."

"Whatever her skills she cured me, so I'm grateful."

"That's good ser, some people are funny about elves touching them. Not us around here, she looks after us and we, um, we forget where she is when the Templars come looking."

"Does this hedge witch have a name?"

"Don't rightly know. We just call her 'the healer'. Doesn't seem, safe, to pry."

"I suppose it wouldn't." He would like to repay her before he left. "Can you tell me where I can find her? I'd like to thank her myself."

"I'm not sure I should ser. Not that we don't trust you but you are a stranger to us after all."

"I'm a mage and a former apostate at that. I'm not going to call the Chantry after her." He could see the innkeeper still looking unconvinced. "I'm also a Grey Warden. I might be able to offer her some protection or help."

"Oh! Ser. Why didn't you say so! A Warden, here? Maker, the wife will be sorry she missed you."

Feeling slightly like a carnival attraction, Anders smiled. "And this hedge witch is where?"

. . .

Anders started to wonder if the innkeeper had sent him the wrong way. 'Its not far' he'd said, 'just follow the path for a bit until you see a large boulder. Turn off there and walk towards the big tree in the distance'. Country directions and here was he a city mage.

"Curse it I'm lost."

"What are you searching for?"

Letting out a gasp he spun. Another bloody sneaky elf. "Where did you come from?" She walked closer and he blinked. Holy maker above if this was the hedge witch he was in love.

"What are you searching for?"

Oh one of _those_ hedge witches. If that was the case he'd have to revise his 'in love' thoughts. Cryptic questions and prophesies annoyed him.

"I might be searching for you, if you're who I'm searching for." Hah! Two could play at that. She looked down, adjusting the shawl she had drawn across her shoulders, but he saw her smile. "Ah we're playing a game are we?"

"Perhaps." Smiling at him directly now, she came even closer. "Anders is it? You appear to have recovered from your." Hesitating she finally shrugged. "Illness."

"I have. I wanted to thank you."

"You were in need of my skills. I won't refuse anyone in need." He was as handsome as she remembered. Handsome and very powerful. Even in this casual conversation she could sense the magic in him.

"If its not a rude question, may I ask your name? You know mine after all, it seems only fair."

Those eyes of hers were hypnotic, large and expressive, he didn't think he'd ever seen that colour before, some mix of green and blue. And that face. That sweet innocent little face.

Ceri smiled to herself, hearing his thoughts as clearly as if he'd spoken them aloud. "Ceridwen. You may call me Ceri if you wish."

"What?" Had he asked a question?

"My name Anders, its Ceridwen." He still looked confused. "You don't remember asking?"

"I. No, I don't. When did I ask?"

Ceri held her hand out. "Give me your hand." She wasn't surprised when he held it out without question. Laying it palm up over hers she touched the lines of his life gently. "You are bewitched Anders. Did you know?"

"What!"

"Its what made you sick. Your struggle against the spell cast on you. I had thought you the victor but now I'm not so sure."

"Do you know what kind of spell?" Her hand flattened over his, feeling small and warm.

"It was a maleficar spell. Blood magic. When the humans called me to help you there was blood on the sheets. Your tainted blood and the blood of another."

Feeling the emotion surge through him she looked up from their clasped hands. "That angers you?"

"You might say that."

"You enjoy your freedom, yes? This blood mage tries to cage you with a control spell. Would you kill her for it?"

"I might."

"Be angry Anders, very angry. It will help you resist her call."

"A woman? How do you know?"

"The blood told me." Using her hold on his hand she tugged him closer. "And the innkeeper said you bedded a wench before your illness. Someone he'd not seen before."

Feeling the heat in his face, Anders tried to ignore it. Another female who could make him blush. Lovely.

"I don't remember her."

"No." Pursing her lips Ceri wondered about the best course of action. "I will go with you to your home. It is doubtful this maleficar has finished with you and I'd like to be close by if you need my protection."

"Your protection? Not to be rude Ceri but what protection can you offer that I don't have myself?"

"I have the litany of Adralla."

"That might be useful, I suppose, if she hadn't already cast the mind control spell."

"I am a woman. During the time it will take to reach your home I suggest sex between us. Much sex. This will anger the blood mage and might draw her to us."

He couldn't possibly have heard that correctly, could he? "Sex?"

"You object to that?"

"Not object, I like the idea of 'much sex', but its an odd thing to suggest to a stranger."

"Its for purely medicinal purposes." Ceri smiled when he looked disgruntled by that. "No?"

"That's incredibly off putting. Sex as medicine. Should we do it quickly so we don't notice the revolting taste?"

"I'd prefer slowly, very slowly, with the need for screaming towards the end." Lifting his hand she pressed a kiss to the palm. "Much screaming."

"Well." It came out strangled so Anders tried clearing his throat. "Well, that might work for me."

Ceri kissed his palm again, letting him feel the tip of her tongue when she licked. "I'm pleased my treatment meets with your approval."


	2. Chapter 2

"The blood told you?"

Anders leaned back on his elbows and watched Ceri tend the fire. So far their trip had been quiet and uneventful. The only other travellers they'd sighted had been a small band of bear hunters on their way south.

Ceri had said that he didn't look like he could cook and had insisted on doing that chore. The heavier work was left to him. He didn't mind, she was a slim little thing, like most of her kind, and he was happy to heave logs around for her. He was also aware she knew that's why he was doing it and was amused by him.

It wasn't until they were settled and the cooking started that he recalled what she'd said. So much had happened that he'd missed that.

"Which blood told me what?" Leaning close she sniffed. Hmm, lovely, bear stew.

"You know very well. You said the blood on the sheets told you it was a woman. You also said you recognised my tainted blood. How?"

"Must you ask that now? Dinner is almost ready and if we argue before eating it will much less enjoyable. After eating we will have sex. That will also be less enjoyable if you're angry with me."

"Unless you tell me you're the one who bewitched me, I don't see how your answer is going to make me so angry that it will affect our eating." Her lips quirked. "Fine, eating and sex. I'll have you know it takes a lot to put me off sex, so you'd definitely have to be the one who did this to me to manage that."

"I am not responsible for your troubles." His head tilted, obviously waiting. "Fine, fine, but remember you were the one who insisted."

"I'll remember."

"I am a blood mage."

"Ah huh." He waited but that seemed to be all she was going to say. "I don't believe you."

"No? Do you have a reason?" She poked a large chunk of meat with a stick to break it up. "Or is it you think because I'm an elf I'll lie just for the sake of it?"

"Don't even start with that nug crap. And don't smirk when I'm telling you off."

"No ser." Nug crap. How funny. "It is true, I was a blood mage. I no longer use those spells but some things one never forgets. Why are you shaking your head?"

"Blood mages use blood to power their spells but they cannot, cannot, distinguish one person's blood from another."

"And how would you know that, ser healer?"

"Trust me, I know." Her nose wrinkled. "I'm older and wiser than you Ceridwen, just believe me."

"Hmm. Well, that being true, I have no idea how I can do that."

"I see." If that was the case. "You weren't lying? You are a blood mage?"

"As I said." She waited but he didn't yell. "Are you angry with me for not telling you this before?"

"I understand why you didn't. I am curious as to why you'd say you are no longer a maleficar."

"I, decided, I would no longer be one. Here I can be what I wish, no? What I wished was to heal."

"Here?"

"In your Ferelden."

"Mine? Not yours?"

Ceri huffed. "Anders, you ask so many questions. The stew is ready to be eaten."

"One question for now?" He grinned when she huffed. "Just one I promise." He'd ease the information out of her later, in pieces.

"Fine then shem, one."

"Shem. Don't try to annoy me out of asking." His grin turned into a laugh when she imitated him in a high pitched voice. "Oh you're funny."

"Ask your question then, I don't promise to answer, but ask."

"Where were you born." She looked startled for a moment. "That's my question."

Pulling the bowls closer Ceri thought about that. Whether it would cause him to ask her more questions than she wanted to answer right now. "Take this."

After taking the filled bowl he sat back to eat. "Tell me."

"Minrathous." He nodded and started eating. "No questions now?"

"We agreed one and you've answered." Tevinter. Not just a blood mage but a Tevinter blood mage. He wondered if that would prove a boon or hindrance when the finally faced their hidden enemy.

"Nice stew."

"Thank you." Surely that couldn't be all he was going to say? Ceri might not have known Anders very long but she knew he was terribly curious about everything. He'd have more questions and no doubt some devious way of tricking her into answering them.

She looked forward to it.

. . .

"You will need to undress if we're to have sex. It is not strictly necessary but will add to the pleasure of it."

"I know that." Cursed female was grinning at him. "I'm just."

"Just what?" Propping her chin on one hand, Ceri lay on the bedding and watched Anders pace around the fire. "Just not interested?"

"Not interested? Do I look dead to you woman, of course I'm interested."

"Come then." She patted the space beside her. "If you wish to leave your robes on I don't mind. I am naked and that will suffice."

"I don't wish to leave my robes on."

"If I did not know you'd bedded that woman I'd begin to think you a virgin." Thankfully that made him laugh. "Now, tell me what's wrong."

"I don't want to do this. Not like this, its just, wrong."

"Hmm. Wrong. Yet I understood from Marlen you paid a whore? But somehow it is wrong that we have sex? You are a strange man Anders."

He could feel himself blushing again. "She wasn't a whore."

"Ah but you did not know that. It makes no difference to me, men pay whores, it is a fact of life, yes? If it will make you feel better you may give me a coin each time we lie together."

"I am not going to pay you! Andraste's blood!"

He did have a temper, she'd wondered. "It must be that you don't want me. You wouldn't be the first man who's tastes were, different."

"Stop trying to make me angry."

"Fine." Giving it up, she lay flat on the bedding and tucked her hands behind her head. "Go sleep on the other side of the fire. I'll lie here and count stars."

"This is going to sound ridiculous. I know it is."

"Tell me."

"You're better than this. You deserve better."

"That is very sweet." If a little illogical. Ceri knew feelings weren't always logical so she didn't point that out to Anders. "Do you think by lying with me you are somehow doing me a disservice?"

"Not really, I'm not brainwashed by the Chantry. Sex like this, for no other reason than to lure out a blood mage, its wrong."

"What would make it right? You obviously have no objection to sex with a stranger, yet object to sex with me for good reasons?"

"It should be for pleasure, if nothing else. Otherwise you may as well do it without a partner."

"Do you think I don't want you? I do, very much. I spent days bathing your naked body and wished you awake so I could do more. Does that suffice as a reason for sex?"

Anders coughed. He should have just asked her if she wanted him, instead he'd made a drama out of it. "Yes, it does. I'm sorry for acting like an outraged virgin."

"No, it was sweet, if a little confusing." She waited but he didn't move. "More problems?"

"This robe is hard to remove. I may need help."

"Ah." Laughing softly Ceri got to her feet and walked slowly towards him. "You need my help to remove it?"

"All these ties and buttons. Its Tevinter you know, very confusing to us common Fereldens."

"How do you manage to get _into_ it then ser healer?"

"With great difficulty." He turned around when she pushed him. "Oh does it strap in the back?"

Making a great show of sighing, Ceri started unbuckling the straps. "It does."

"Like a corset!" He grinned when she giggled softly.

"You're silly Anders."

He felt her hands pause and twisted around. "Strings caught?"

"No, its fine." Ceri pushed his shoulder to make him turn away.

This was going to end badly for her.

Finally the robe was open and she pushed it forward over his shoulders. Unable to resist she leaned in to press a kiss between his shoulder blades.

"Hmm I like that." He liked it even more when she bit him gently.

Badly for her perhaps, but if she could manage it, not badly for Anders.


	3. Chapter 3

If you wish for something with enough passion it will come to pass. Or so her mother had told her. Ceri knew now it wasn't true but simply a fantasy made up to comfort a distraught child.

Watching her hand move over Anders' chest, she wished she could be that child again and believe that lie.

"Anders."

He shifted restlessly but didn't wake.

"Listen to me Anders. Hear my voice."

Sex to draw out the blood mage, she supposed it wasn't such a lie. The sex would cement the bond between them, increasing her control over his mind.

Their journey would take five days. Five days for her to have him completely under her control. Five days of avoiding his questions or answering those she could carefully, so he didn't discover what she needed to hide from him.

Five days before she would use him to kill Nathaniel Howe.

. . .

"So, a Tevinter blood mage hey?"

Ceri couldn't help it, his tone was so elaborately casual that she had to laugh. "You are trying to be subtle Anders?"

"Didn't work?"

"No. You are not a subtle person I think." She let out a shriek when he scooped her up off the ground. "What are you doing?"

"Puddle my lady. Can't have you getting those pretty feet wet."

Hitching her up a bit higher, Anders stepped over the puddle and kept walking.

"We have passed the puddle."

"Hmm."

That little smirk was so cute that Ceri just had to kiss it. "You're very sweet."

"So you keep saying."

"Not subtle but sweet." As it appeared she was being carried and not walking, Ceri thought about Anders' question. "I propose an agreement."

"An agreement? Am I going to like this agreement?"

"You may not. You are free to refuse if that's so." She blinked innocently when he looked down at her.

"Let's hear your 'agreement'."

"One question each. The questions must not be too general. You ask me a question, if I answer, I will then ask you one. The answer must be truthful. No lying allowed. If you are caught in a lie you must pay a penalty."

"Penalty? Hmm, sounds interesting."

"The penalty will be unpleasant, possibly painful, and of the offended party's choosing. Do you agree?"

"What happens if one of us doesn't want to answer a question?"

"You must say so and the agreement ends. No more questions."

He was sure there was a trap in there somewhere but it didn't seem he had a choice. This would be the easiest way to satisfy his curiosity. "I agree."

"Haha!"

"Oh, now I hear the cackle of the mad woman's laughter."

"No need to ask any questions of me Anders, I see you found me out." Ceri kissed that smirk again. "You already asked me one question, that I answered truthfully, I believe that means its my turn."

"Hey! That was before our agreement." Hearing soft noises he glared down at her. "I am not chicken. Fine, ask away."

"Mine is the same question you asked me, where were you born?"

"Is this going to be a theme? You ask me the same question I ask you?"

"Possibly, I do not know what questions you intend asking me, so I cannot say." She waited but he kept walking and didn't speak. "You refuse to answer? Is our agreement finished so soon?"

"Highever." Keeping his gaze firmly fixed on the road ahead, he added. "The alienage."

"Oh. I didn't realise. I." Oh dear. "I apologise for what I said to you last night. If I had known I would not have. I'm sorry."

"What you said to me?"

"Shem. If I had known I would not have insulted you so horribly."

"I look like a shemlen and I'm told I have only shemlen blood, so I suppose you were not entirely incorrect."

"It was still horrible. I hope you will forgive me."

"If it worries you that much, I forgive you." He jiggled her up and down. "Knife ears." He was starting to love the sound of her giggling. "My turn again I believe."

"So quickly?"

"Hmm." Not too general. "When did you come to Ferelden?"

"During the Blight."

"Interesting time to visit. Most sane people were leaving, and here you were, arriving."

"I am not often accused of being sane."

That was the second time she'd said something like that. Tucking it away until later, he instead braced himself for her next question. "Your turn my lady."

Ceri could feel him tensing for another difficult question. "Why do you wear those robes? Is there something wrong with your Circle robes?"

"Have you seen them? Drab, boring. No one looks good in them."

That sounded so familiar. Someone else had said something similar to her once. Someone very different to Anders. Someone she'd hated.

"I approve of your taste. These suit you. The gold braiding is particularly flattering." She waited a beat while he preened. "My lady."

"What!"

"I'm sorry I couldn't resist. You are so masculine and yet you worry about looking drab. Its funny."

"Funny. Somehow I don't think you mean that in a good way."

"Odd?" His eyes narrowed at her. "Cute? Ah, silly?"

"Silly?"

"Anders you could wear nothing but one of those horned helmets and still be beautiful." His chin lifted a little. "Stop smirking, I know it makes your head swell, but its true. You are beautiful."

"I could return that compliment." Her eyes crinkled. No other expression on her face except that, but Anders could see she was pleased. "Possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"Oh, now I'm a thing?"

"A beautiful thing." He was charmed when she flushed.

"Where did you spend your time when you first arrived in Ferelden?" She didn't want to answer that one. Why, he wondered. Did the answer give something away she'd prefer to keep hidden.

Ceri hesitated wondering if her answer would tell him things she wasn't sure she wanted him to know yet. If ever. "Denerim."

"Ah Denerim. The beauteous capital of our fair land."

"The architecture is boring." One eyebrow shot up. "It is. All stone and wood, very grey."

"I suppose if one is used to seeing ornate scroll work shoved onto very available surface, yes, it is boring."

"We don't shove. We place precisely and according to the strictest artist guidelines."

"Ah huh."

"My turn. Then we must stop for a meal."

"Go ahead, I'm ready."

Ceri flicked his nose gently. "Which is your preferred position for sex?" She let out a shriek when he almost dropped her.

"Sorry. I can't." Anders put her down then bent over trying to control his laughter.

. . .

"I need herbs for this. There are some in my bag, if you would?"

"Yes mamae." Grinning at Ceri's poked out tongue, Anders went to rummage in her pack. His hand closed on something familiar and as he was about to pull it out, the sound of her voice stopped him.

"No, not my pack, the herb sack. There near the pillows." He didn't move, didn't respond at all. "Anders?"

He took a deep breath. "The pillows? Ah there it is."

"Thank you kind ser." She lifted her face and he kissed her. Thank the maker, he hadn't found it. Turning back to her cooking she missed the way he looked at her.

Anders turned way, quickly sliding the pendant into the pouch at this waist. The thing he'd missed that he couldn't remember. The pendant Bann Ferrenly had given him.

"Ceri? I'm going for a quick walk. Won't be long."

Once he was out of sight and out of hearing, Anders quickly unlaced the front of his robe. Almost blinded by rage he stared down at the symbol painted on chest. The symbol Ceri had painted using her blood.

His first instinct was to go back to camp and kill her. He'd started to. Shaking his head he stopped that thought. He'd started nothing. Nothing. Whoever that woman was she wasn't his Ceri. The Ceri he'd thought she was.

Killing her would accomplish nothing. He needed to find out why she'd done this, was continuing to do this. Anders knew better than to think blood mages were just monsters who preyed on their victims without reason. She'd have a reason and he'd find out what it was.

Then he'd kill her.

. . .

"I'm a bit tired tonight pet, all that carrying you around must have worn me out."

Pet. He hadn't called her that since that night at the Tavern. "A full night's rest will be good for us both I think."

"Yes." Forcing himself to smile at her, he took some bedding to the other side of the fire. "Sleep well."

"I will. Maker bless and keep you." Why had she said that? Seeing his confused frown, Ceri shrugged. "My mother used to say that to me every night."

"Did she? My mother used to tell me if I didn't go to sleep I'd use up all my energy and have to stay in bed for the rest of my life." He refused to be charmed when she laughed. "Good night."

Ceri watched him get his bedding ready then lie down. He'd left his robe on which could be a problem later. "Not undressing?"

"Its chilly tonight."

"It feels the same as last night to me."

"Must be my advanced years then." Leaving it at that, he turned way from her and closed his eyes.

. . .

It was tricky but Ceri managed to unfasten the robe open without waking him. After carefully pushing the sides away she found herself staring at his chest. His clean chest.

"Missing something? Pet."


	4. Chapter 4

"Awake?" Anders crouched for a better look at Ceri's face. "Yes I see you are."

Her head hurt, her whole body hurt. "What happened?"

"I knew I'd be able to work that spell eventually. Odd how all it took was just the right situation and then. Bam!"

"Spell?"

"Hmm. It drains a mage of all their mana and hits them rather hard with spirit damage. It is possible to kill them." Standing he walked closer to where she was sitting. "You're still alive I see. Pity."

Finally she managed to move her head enough to look up. "Anders."

"Shh. Its not your turn to ask a question." His eyes narrowed when she took a shaky breath. Fear. Good. She should be afraid.

Refusing to listen to that part of him that was trying desperately to be heard, he kicked her. Not very hard but hard enough she'd think he'd do more.

Physical pain was almost comforting. The comfort of familiarity. Ceri knew she could suffer that kind of pain easily enough.

"I have another spell I've wanted to try. This might be a good opportunity. A captive audience you might say. Tell me what you think of this."

"Don't. Please."

"Begging? So soon? I'm surprised."

Begging for his life. She'd done this to him, turned him into this monster. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me? You couldn't do that even if you tried." She flinched at that. Interesting. Crouching just next to her he watched her carefully. "It would take more than a little whore like you to hurt me."

She'd given herself away. It had been so long that she'd forgotten the rules for this. Never show weakness and never show what hurts you.

"Time for my question."

"What?" Confused she tried to understand that but couldn't. "Question?"

"Hmm. Our little game. Its my turn I believe. Oh, new rules. Only I ask questions and if you lie to me." Holding his hand out he cast a small fire spell. "I'll put this on your pretty face."

"Anders." She had to stop him somehow. This would kill something wonderful if she didn't.

"Shh. My question." Closing his hand on the fire, he snuffed it out. "What's the one thing in life you value the most?"

Ceri blinked in surprise. Her tormentor never asked her questions like that. "You."

"Oh please. What did I say about lying?" He flicked the flame to life. "Now you'll have to pay the forfeit."

"Freedom!"

"There now, isn't that better?" Freedom. Something that was easy to take away. "If you continue to be such a good girl I might give you a reward."

"Next question. Why did you come to Ferelden?"

Ceri shifted and noticed for the first time that he'd tied her hands and feet. She'd been so distracted by her pain she'd missed that. To stop her running away no doubt.

"Well pet? Going to answer my question? Or would you like some encouragement?"

"I came with others. To purchase some goods."

"Purchase goods? What kind of goods?"

"Slaves."

"Slaves. Where in Denerim did you expect to find these slaves?" He could see her weighing up the consequences of answering against any pain he might inflict with the spell. "Where?"

"The Alienage."

"The Alienage." Why did that tweak his memory? "I remember. Teryn Loghain. He let you come didn't he?"

"Yes."

"Worked out rather badly for him as I recall."

"Yes."

"And for you."

"The Warden. She killed most of us."

"So she did. You managed to elude her, how?"

He wouldn't believe the truth, he'd think she was lying to gain his sympathy. "Luck. Caladrius sent me and another person to the ship for some papers he needed."

"Caladrius? This was your leader?"

"He's not dead. The warden let him go."

"Did she? I wonder why?"

"I don't know. Sorry."

"No, no. Not a question for you but for her." The rest seemed obvious. "You and your friend escaped during the chaos of the Blight?"

"Yes."

"Kill him did you pet?"

"Yes."

"Now, some final questions for you and if you tell the truth, I'll give you your reward."

"I will."

"Why did you use a mind control spell on me?"

"A human, she found me. Said she'd have my family killed if I didn't do as she told me."

"Your family?"

"At home in Minrathous. My mother, my sister."

"That's the truth?"

"Yes."

"This human, did she tell you her name?"

"No."

"You know though, don't you?"

"Yes." Anders tilted his head in question. "Rowena Cousland."

"What did Rowena want with me?"

"She wanted me to use you to kill Nathaniel Howe."

"Do you know why?"

"No."

He decided he believed that. It would be beyond stupid for Rowena to confide in her weapon. "Alright, that's enough for now." Standing he stood staring down at her for a while. "Your reward then." One flick of his hand she fell backwards, asleep. "Living."

Turning to walk away he held his hand out and flicked a flame to life, then, without protecting himself, put his other hand in the hot fire.

. . .

Ceri was alone when the spell wore off.

"Anders?"

The fire had died down long ago and his pack was gone. He'd left her.

Feeling lost she stood and wandered over to where he'd slept last night. She could see the scuffing of the earth and touched it lightly with her foot. "Anders."

How still everything was, the air seemed dead somehow. Sighing Ceri walked over to the fire and kicked one of the logs. Something glinted, catching her eye, kneeling she pulled it free. "He burned his robe." All that was left was this piece of gold braiding. "Why would he do that?"

Walking back to her pack, she tucked it carefully inside, then sat down to think. What was she going to do now?

. . .

He may not be the most observant mage in Thedas, but Anders knew when he was being followed. He'd first noticed it at dawn when he struck camp and started down the road. Nothing obvious just a feeling. He'd stop and the tickling at the edge of his mind would stop. He'd walk and it would come with him.

Finally as the sun was moving to midday he sighed. "Ceri. I know you're there." Turning he found her standing a few paces away, watching him. "What in the Maker's name are you about? Go home."

"Anders."

"Go home and be thankful I didn't kill you." She took a step away. "Go!" Determined to ignore her, he hitched his pack and turned back to the road.

"You hurt your hand."

Without answering he looked down at his bandaged hand. Yes he'd hurt it. The pain he'd given himself was nothing to the pain he'd felt in his heart. It was stupid. Two days. You didn't fall in love in two days. Not with someone who lied to you and manipulated you. Someone who was going to use you to kill your friend. Certainly not with someone who didn't exist.

"Let me heal you." He quickened his pace and she had to trot to keep up. "Slow down."

"Andraste's blood Ceri!" Stopping suddenly he swung around to face her. "Go. Home." She ignored that, not that he was surprised, and came to stand a pace away.

"I like that robe."

It was like conversing to a wall. Nothing he said seemed to penetrating her skull.

"Its very rustic." Going right up to him she ran one hand over his chest. "It has a gold ring." Hooking her finger around she tugged gently. "Does it get cold? Oh look, another ring." This one at his waist. She tugged that too. "Its very well done isn't it?"

Again, not the most observant mage in Thedas, but Anders could tell when someone's mind had gone south with the birds. Using his uninjured hand he lifted her chin.

"Ceri, what's wrong?"

"When I was little I saw a beautiful woman with a rose on her face. I wanted to do that when I was older but Caladrius said I couldn't."

"Why did he say that?"

"Slaves aren't allowed to have tattoos. You fetch a better price if you're unmarked."

"Were you a slave love? Is that why you ran away?"

"I killed Mikos. That was bad wasn't it? Are you mad at me for killing him?"

"No." Now he understood what she'd meant. 'I'm not often accused of being sane'. Ceri had something mixed up in her head. Anders had heard of it before and even seen it as part of his training as healer.

She'd seemed fine until he'd tied her up and threatened to torture her. His fault then. Very deliberately he clenched his injured hand.

"Don't do that." Ceri lifted his bandaged hand. "You'll make it hurt." Before he could stop her she unwrapped it. "You burnt it. How did you do that?"

"Fire spell."

"Are you bad at those? Don't use them if you are, its safer."

"I'll remember that." He watched her put her hands around his injured one and felt the warmth of the healing spell. "Thank you Ceridwen."

"Can't you heal yourself?"

"I didn't want to."

"Oh." That was odd, but Ceri was used to not understanding things sometimes and didn't worry over it. "We can have sex now if you like?"

"Better not, we're on a busy road." Why did he feel an overwhelming urge to laugh? "We might excite comment."

"Okay."

She didn't appear to be letting go of his hand, so he tugged gently. "I need to move Ceri, I have to get home and warn Nate about Rowena."

"She's very sad. Sad and angry."

"Yes, she is. Her family was killed in front of her by Nate's father."

"That's horrible isn't it? Should we kill Nate's father?"

"Someone's done that love. The Warden. Do you remember her?"

"She let Caladrius go." Shivering she dropped his hand and looked around. "Rowena is going to tell him where I am."

Curse it. "Where is your sister Ceri, your mother?"

"Who?"

She'd lied to him. Why? "Do you remember telling me about them? At camp?"

"When you were going to hurt me? I remember."

"Why did you lie?" He frowned when she smiled and touched his face.

"Ceri? Which one of you is real?"

She giggled softly. "You're silly Anders."

"How is that silly? You're two different people it seems."

"Did you hit your head?" Concerned she touched his forehead. "You don't have a fever."

"Andraste's tits Ceri! You're insane!" He wanted to cut his tongue out the second he said it. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

"Andraste's tits? That's funny."

"Oh for the love of the Maker. Do you hear anything I say?"

Something shimmered at the edge of his vision making him turn but it was gone. Then, so was the road and the forest lining each side.

Ceri was still here. "I'm in the Fade."

"You're not very observant are you?" She shimmered but didn't disappear. "I thought mages could tell when they were in the Fade?"

"Don't you know?"

"Caladrius trained me himself. Can't keep a slave who's a mage. Its not allowed you know. The Imperial Chantry doesn't like it."

"I'd imagine not."

"I'm sorry for confusing you. I couldn't control what you saw and I think some of you leaked into me."

"Are you saying I'm nuts?"

"Never." She grinned at his scoffing noise. "Truthfully that was me. I told you I wasn't quite sane. That was me before, when I was a blood mage. I enjoyed the power of it, so different from the powerlessness of slavery. It did something to me, something that made me a little crazy."

"Is that why you stopped using it?"

"In my lucid moments I worried I'd never come out. That I'd stay that like forever, drunk on power and blood."

"Why did you lie to me about your family?"

Ceri bent her head and sighed. "I knew you'd like that explanation. Sacrificing everything to save my family. So much better than the truth. Sacrificing your friend to save myself."

He hated to admit it, but she was right. "That makes me sound naive."

"No, never. Not my Anders."

She shimmered again. "Are you waking up?"

Ceri held her hand out and watched it shimmer. "No."

"Why are we in the Fade, Ceri?"

"I'm sorry I hurt you Anders, if I'd been braver I'd have told Rowena to do her worst. I'm not brave, I'm weak and I'm a coward."

"What did you do?"

"I can't go back, its like being dead inside. He. Hurts me. He likes hurting me and I'm so afraid that I can't stop him." Oh well. "Kiss me goodbye?"

Anders woke on a shout. His own. "No!" Barely pausing to pick up his pack he raced back up the road at a flat out run.


	5. Chapter 5

"No. No." Anders lifted Ceri's limp body and laid her over his lap. "I'm not having this." A quick examination and look around the area was enough to tell him what she'd done. The herbs.

"You're not getting away this easily."

One hand on Ceri's stomach and the other over her mouth and he started the ritual. He could do this. He healed people with horrific injuries and they'd survived.

Except Ceri was dead.

One of the first lessons they teach you is you don't bring the dead back to life. Ever. It wasn't usually possible so the lesson was a bit redundant. Sometimes it was possible though, sometimes if the person died from something you can cure with magic, and you caught them at just the right moment, it can be done.

It just shouldn't.

"She hasn't been dead long. Just a little while."

The ritual took longer than he liked and drained his energy almost completely. About to resort to desperate measures to bolster his power Anders felt Ceri jerk then heave up.

Moving quickly he quickly turned her to her side to vomit the remains of her stomach over the ground. "Oh the joys of being a healer."

He left her until she was dry gagging then turned her back. Lifting her up against his chest he held a water skein to her mouth. "Rinse and spit." His leg was wet after that but at least she could drink without that taste in her mouth. "Sip slowly."

Ceri took two sips before he felt her going limp in his arms. "Oh no. Stay awake." Standing he dragged her up to her feet and shook her. "Awake!" Cursed woman. "Ceri!"

"Anders?"

"Stay awake for Andraste's sake! I didn't run all the way back here and break every rule of healing so you could die on me."

"I."

"No. Curse you. Stay awake. Andraste's tits!"

"That's. Funny."

No, oh no. "Ceri, don't you dare. Come back."

"Tired."

"I know love, but you can't sleep now. Just stay awake for me now and you can sleep later."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Stop."

Anders stood still and felt her trying to stand without help. "You can do it love."

"Love?" Using all her strength Ceri managed to turn around. She couldn't stand without holding on but she didn't mind. Holding onto Anders was nice. "Love me?"

"I must, to ruin my boots running all this way to fetch you." He was relieved when she managed to lift her head and look up at him. "You're a mess Ceri." The long hair she'd kept tied in a neat bun was falling loose over her shoulders, messy and dirty from both the ground and her vomit. That sweet face of hers was bone white and also covered in vomit. Why did it make him love her even more?

"I love you Anders. My Anders." She slipped but he caught her. Of course he would. "I fell down."

"Almost. I've got you." This time she fell forward and landed against his chest. "Well that's safer I suppose."

"You changed your robe."

"Yes." Why did he have a feeling of something wrong, a feeling that wouldn't go away. He'd saved her hadn't he? Brought her back from the Fade. "Its Chasind."

"Pretty." After a few attempts Ceri managed to put her hand against his chest and pushed herself away. "Gold rings."

"Ceri?"

"Nice." Smiling a little drunkenly she hooked her finger around the largest one and tugged. "Do they get cold?"

. . .

He must be wrong. It was just the effects of the herb. She was tired that's all. Once she woke up he'd know he was wrong.

Watching Ceri sleep Anders tried to convince himself he'd done the right thing by bringing her back.

. . .

She tried to move but couldn't. Her body felt wrong, heavy, alien.

"Lie still love. Lie still."

The voice was soft, gentle. Did she know it? "Who?"

"Shh. Don't talk."

Why did she feel so strange? As if the world was moving?

Anders hitched Ceri higher in his arms and kept walking. He would much preferred to have her awake and recovered before finishing the journey to the Vigil. After watching her sleep for two days and nights however, he ran out of time.

Hearing a cart clattering up behind him, he stepped off the road and waited for it to pass.

"She sick?" Josep leaned over for a better look. "Dead?" He seen stranger things than a man carrying his dead wife down the road.

"Sick."

"Sure." Thinking about that he nodded. "Where you going?"

"Vigil's Keep."

"The Vigil?"

Anders waited while the farmer considered that.

"Hop in. I can take you most of the way. Amaranthine for me."

"Thank you. I appreciate your kindness."

"Climb in the back. Your wife will rest better in the straw back there."

His wife. Anders didn't contradict the man. Oddly enough he liked the sound of it. Two words that only recently would have made him run.

Settling Ceri on the straw the farmer had laid out for the livestock he must be fetching, Anders climbed and sat beside her. "We're set ser."

"Hold on."

. . .

"Her robe is filthy Anders, what were you thinking?" Caethes kept her tone gentle to show she wasn't really chiding him.

"I needed to get back."

"Yes, I know." He was exhausted the poor thing. "I'll look after her now, you go and rest." Somehow she wasn't surprised when he sat on the bed. "Don't fall asleep there. You'll fall off."

"Caethes."

"Hmm?" Busy stripping the robe off Ceri she didn't look at him.

"She died. I brought her back from the Fade." Caethes' head whipped up to stare at him. She might not be a spirit healer but she knew enough to know that was forbidden. For very good reason.

"Why?" He looked at the woman in the bed and her question was answered. One could do many things for love, sometimes things best left undone. "I see."

"It was my fault. I." Anders couldn't bring himself to tell her what he'd done. "My fault."

Concerned Caethes touched his handand his eyes moved from Ceri to her.

"I think there's something wrong with her. With her mind."

"Possibly. We won't know until she decides to wake up." There wasn't much she could do that Anders couldn't do better. "I'll have a meal brought to you. Would you like a bath?"

"Yes, please. And thank you."

"I'll come back later and see how you are." He'd be asleep before she was out of the door. "Creators watch over you Anders."

She'd already decided not to tell anyone what he'd told her. If Ceri woke and was well, it would serve no purpose to have the others staring at her. If she didn't that could be dealt with then. First though. "This robe needs burning."

He had to get out of his own robe, if he fell asleep in it he'd never get the smell off. After a short struggle he managed to undo the laces and the rest was easy.

Lying down so he could watch Ceri, Anders told himself he'd just close his eyes for a moment. While he waited for his food.

. . .

Nate blinked, then tried tilting his head but what he was seeing didn't change. "There's a naked elf in the hall."

Caethes followed his gaze. "That's Ceri, the one Anders brought. And she's not naked."

"A sheet isn't clothing."

"Hush." Leaving him to his wit, Caethes walked over to Ceri. "Ceri?" Slightly dazed looking eyes fixed on her. "Hello."

"Hello."

"How do you feel?"

"I don't know." Moving closer she studied the other woman's face. "You have pretty tattoos."

"Thank you." She waited but that seemed to be all Ceri was going to say. "Was Anders asleep?"

"Anders?"

"The man who brought you here."

"There was someone." Ceri touched her forehead. "In the bed."

"Anders. He was watching over you."

"Who's that?"

Caethes followed when she walked down to Nate.

"Who are you?"

"Nathaniel Howe. My lady." Nate bowed.

"Nathaniel Howe?" That was familiar. "Warden Commander of Ferelden."

"Have we met?" Nate was sure he'd remember if they had.

"He's going to kill you."

"Who?"

"Ceri!" Anders skidded to a halt beside the small group. "You should be in bed."

"Who are you?"

"This is Anders, Ceri."

"Anders?" Ceri looked up at Nathaniel. "He's going to kill you."

"Who?" Nate blinked when she looked at Anders. "No he's not."

"Yes." Lifting her hand she murmured a few words. "Kill him."

Caethes lifted her staff and smacked Anders' sharply on the head. "No."

"Ouch! I wasn't going to do anything." Anders rubbed his head. "Ceri doesn't remember that I removed the glyph."

"Would you care to explain why you've brought a maleficar into the Vigil? A maleficar who was obviously sent to kill me?"

"Ceri was going to use _me_ to kill you."

"That makes a difference does it?"

"Just wanted to clear that point up." She moved and Anders reached out to grab the sheet. "Stay here pet."

"Oh." Turning she peered up. "I know you. The mage born in the Alienage."

"Yes, thank you Ceri. Glad you remembered that in time to tell the world." Sighing he nodded to Nate and Caethes. "My mother before you ask. Other than that, mind your own business."

"You missed that piece of information when you reported in last night. Anders. Why?"

Briefly tempted to pretend he thought Nate was referring to his mother, Anders decided against humour when he looked at his Commander's face.

"I didn't think it was necessary. Ceri's not going to hurt anyone."

"Not necessary? Not necessary to tell me your 'sick friend' is a maleficar sent to kill me? The maleficar you claimed to have killed? How was it not necessary? Anders."

"You're angry."

Anders pulled on the sheet until Ceri was tucked behind him, putting his body between her and Nate. "She's not going to hurt anyone."

"How can you guarantee that? She's clearly deranged."

It happened before he could stop himself. Nate's angry comment sparked against his own guilt and he reacted.

"You killed him!" Ceri leaned around Anders to look. "That's funny."


	6. Chapter 6

"Maker! Sorry." Anders rushed to help Nate up. "Are you alright?"

"You hit hard for a healer."

"Stuns. I'm good at them."

"Oh, he's still alive. Try again."

Nate stood more firmly on his feet and brushed himself off. "Perhaps it _is _you I need to worry about."

"No. I just." Just what Anders? "Lost my temper."

"I noticed." He put his arm around Caethes when she leaned in to help him stay up. He didn't need the help, the stun was already wearing off, but, any excuse to touch her. "Is Ceri always so quick to wish people dead?"

"She's, sick, she wasn't like that before her illness. I think its affected her memory."

Looking down at Caethes he saw her nod. "Fine. Take her to your room and see if you can help her remember."

Anders heard the 'but' in that clearly. "And if I can't?"

"I'm sorry Anders but if you can't, she goes to the Circle to deal with."

"You can't give Ceri to them. I won't allow it!"

"I don't recall asking for your permission."

"The Chantry will kill her! You know they will." Feeling Ceri slip her hand into his, Anders frowned down at her.

"Send me home?"

"Is that what you want? To go home?"

"Send me to the Imperial Chantry."

Nate shook his head. "I see. Not just any maleficar then? A Tevinter maleficar? What else haven't you told me?"

"If you want to go to Tevinter Ceri, we'll go."

"No." She concentrated and tried her best to speak clearly. "I want to stay with you. Not with your Chantry. Your Chantry are wrong. Is wrong. Will make me." Frustrated she stopped.

"Tranquil?"

"Yes. Or dead."

She was coming back, slowly, but she was coming back. "Dead is bad too."

"Tranquil is worse than dead."

Yes, it was. "Come on Ceri, we'll sit in my room and talk."

"Okay."

"You have two days Anders. After that I'll send to Amaranthine for the Templars."

"Nathaniel, you don't think you're being a little harsh?" Caethes kept her voice low. She didn't want anyone to overhear her disagreeing with his decisions as commander.

"Not now Caethes." He hugged her using the arm still around her shoulders, but didn't look down. "Not now."

. . .

"You eat while we talk. Alright?" Anders handed the bowl and spoon to Ceri. "I hope you remember how to eat."

"Yes."

"That's good." He waited until she'd taken a few mouthfuls before starting. "We need to get your memory back Ceri."

"Okay."

"Otherwise the Arch demon in charge will send you off to the Templars."

"Arch demon? Nathaniel Howe is human."

"I was insulting him love. Cursed Shem."

"No."

"No what, he's not cursed or not a Shem?"

"Command decision Anders. I'm not safe. Best to get rid of me if I can't be fixed." Shrugging she looked down in the bowl. "Oh, peaches."

How did she go from analysing Nate's actions with more clarity than he had, to peaches? "Have you been in command?" How much of what she'd told him was true? He'd heard two stories from Ceri, perhaps neither was true. "You said you were a slave, that Caladrius trained you?"

"Caladrius?"

"The slaver. You said he hurt you, that you were afraid of him and that's why you agreed to help Rowena Cousland."

"Yes. She said she'd tell him where I was." Thinking about it now, with no fear and oddly more clarity, Ceri shrugged. "She lied to me I think. I don't think she would have told him."

"She might. Rowena's very angry."

"Hmm. Angry but not cruel. Angry at Nathaniel not at me."

"You didn't know that then. You were frightened." Her lips lifted in a small smile. "What?"

"I could have run. How could she find me? Would it be worth the trouble?"

"That's true, now I think of it, why didn't you?"

Eyes narrowed she pushed her mind back. "I was going to run. First I decided I'd pretend to do as she'd asked. Bed you and start the ritual." She laughed and shrugged.

"And?"

"Anders." Noticing the bowl was empty she licked the spoon.

"Anders, what?"

"I told you the truth. I wanted to help you."

"But you were the one putting the spell on me!"

"Yes." Putting the bowl aside Ceri held out her arm. "I'm dead Anders."

"No you're not. Don't say that." He took her hand. "You're warm and your heart's beating."

"She's dead. That Ceri, you killed her. We killed her."

"Ceri. Don't."

Ceri studied the way their hands looked together. Hers was so small and pale in comparison to his. Anders had healer's hands, warm and gentle. Hers were sharper not healer's hands but the hands of a killer.

"Its true. I won't be her again. I'll be someone else."

"You'll be fine once your memories come back. I'm sure of it."

"I will be me." Sighing she put her free hand over the ones holding hers. "Anders, did you love me?"

"Yes."

"Will you love me now?"

"You're the same person, of course I love you."

Now her mind was clearing her memory was coming back. Not in an orderly way, but in bits and pieces. She'd remember something from her childhood, then something from after the Blight. It wouldn't be too long before she'd have it all. Everything except her. That Ceri was dead, in the Fade where dead people go. Anders had saved a body but the soul, the soul wasn't quite who he thought it was.

Who he wanted to believe it was.

"You're being." Frowning she tried to think of the words she wanted. "Wilfully blind. That Ceri is gone, in the Fade, you saw her."

"If that's true, who are you? A demon in her body?"

"Look at me Anders. Look at me properly. Tell me this is the same Ceri. If you say that then I'll believe it too."

Why was he so reluctant to do that? Forcing himself he looked at her. Into her eyes. They were the same colour, the same shape but, the expression was wrong. As if the person looking back at him was someone else.

No, he wouldn't believe it. He couldn't have brought her back for nothing.

"You see. Don't you?" Ceri had her memories from before but she could feel herself different. Those things that had changed her from maleficar to hedge witch she remembered them. But only like a story told to her by someone else. Not with any emotion. Not with the fear she knew she'd felt before. It might hurt Anders but the truth was, she'd found the freedom she'd run away to find. By dying she'd killed that part of herself that was afraid.

"I'm me Anders. The other me. Your Ceri is gone."

"No, I won't believe that. I can see you here. It can't have been for nothing."

She wasn't hurt by his inference that she was nothing. Ceri knew he was thinking only of his love. That she retained that part of her that loved him meant nothing. All that mattered was that Anders was happy. He'd mourn her death, once he accepted that she was dead. What would happen after that, Maker only knew.

. . .

"His time is up." Nate paced the length of the hall and back. "Why hasn't he come to see me?"

"Commander?"

"Sorry Garavel, muttering to myself, ignore me."

"Yes ser." Privately Garavel thought the Commander was muttering a bit more loudly than usual for one talking to himself, but it wasn't his place to question.

One of the doors from the main keep opened and Nate paused to watch. Ceri came into the hall alone and looked around. He saw her spot him then walk over in his direction.

"Warden Commander."

"Ceri."

"You need to call for the Templars. I'm ready to go and won't fight them." Ceri waited but when he didn't have her restrained and hauled off to the cells, she poked him with one finger. "Wake up. Evil maleficar in the Vigil, time to call the Templars."

"Where's Anders?" Nate had a feeling Ceri wouldn't lie. In fact she seemed to enjoy being as truthful as possible, particularly if the truth would shock.

"I put him to sleep. He was upset about me dying. Very upset."

"Dying?"

"We killed me." One eyebrow shot up. "Fine. I tried to kill me. Anders pulled me back from the Fade but he didn't get all of me. You can't you know." Crossing her arms she thought about it. "You're not supposed to do it for that reason. Usually you'll pull a demon back out or just a husk, like those walking corpses you see about the place."

"We've had a few here."

"See! You understand then."

Nate took a moment to sort that out. "I don't think I do. I'm not a mage and the Fade is a mystery to me."

"Its not important to understand really. I'm here and alive but I'm not the Ceri Anders loves. He's upset. I put him to sleep. Now you need to fetch some Templars to take me away."

"Death by Chantry Ceri?"

Ceri stood up on her toes then dropped. "Maybe."

"Maybe not. Not under my Command." He tried not to smile when she lifted up onto her toes to peer at him suspiciously.

"Did you tell a lie?"

"Maybe."

"I knew it!" She slapped his arm soundly. "I knew you weren't that strict. Which is a bit annoying now. But good too."

"I'm happy I could please you."

"Oh don't flirt with me. Later we can have fun. Not now. Anders is too upset to join in."

"Ah." Nate decided to ignore that, in the hopes she'd never mention it again. "Can we help him?"

"No. He needs to mourn. He loved her you see and now there's only me."

"What's wrong with you? If I may be so bold as to ask?"

"You're flirting again."

"Beg pardon my lady." He couldn't help it, he'd never met anyone as unintentionally humorous as Ceri. "My question stands. What's wrong with you?"

"I'm not her I suppose. That Ceri was a healer. I'm a maleficar."

"Couldn't you be a healer?"

"I suppose." She lifted onto her toes while she thought about it. "I like blood magic."

"That's unusual." Nate hadn't met many blood mages, but the ones he had met usually swore they only used blood magic when absolutely necessary. "Why?"

"The Power. Its like sex."

"Ah." He took a step away and tried not to think about it. "Is it?"

"It rushes through your body like an electric shock and then bam!"

Nate felt himself jolt when she slapped her hands and then tried to pretend he hadn't. Perhaps he wasn't coping as well with his 'no sex' rule as he'd thought.

"Anders. How long will he be asleep?"

"A while. Then we need to help him mourn."

"I'll be honest and say I still don't understand why he's mourning." Nate held his hand up to stop her answering. "I don't need to know. I only need to know what we should do to help him."

"You're sweet aren't you?" Ceri reached up and ran her finger down his nose. "Very sweet."

Holy Maker. Not worried about appearances now, Nate backed away from her. "What will you do once Anders has finished mourning?"

"If he doesn't want me you mean? Leave I suppose. Go, somewhere, else."

"You'd do that? Just leave?"

"Of course. I love Anders, if he's happier with me gone, I'll leave."


	7. Chapter 7

"You're silly."

Lying with his eyes closed, Anders listened to Ceri. Ceri. Had it all been some kind of nightmare? Perhaps he'd had a fever and imagined everything. Deep down he knew it wasn't true but that brief moment of delusion was comforting.

"Don't do that kitty, you'll fall off."

Her voice had that tone in it. Not the gentle tone of the healer but the other one. A little like he'd imagine Pounce would sound if he could speak. He heard a soft thud and a sneeze. Pounce had fallen off something. He always sneezed when he embarrassed himself, as if he was pretending he'd lost his balance because of the sneeze.

"See." Ceri bent and scooped the cat up. "Now stay there. Look at this, I have some fish for you. Yummy fish from the sea."

After settling the cat on the window sill with his meal, Ceri went back to watching Anders sleep. It didn't take her long to realise he wasn't asleep any more, just wishing he was.

"I can put you to sleep again if you want?" That's what he'd asked her to do that last three times he'd woken.

"No." He'd have to face it sooner or later. He opened his eyes and blinked in the bright light. "What time is it?"

"I'm not sure. We just had our midday meal. Pounce wanted more fish the greedy thing." He still looked upset. "Are you hungry? I can fetch you something from the kitchen if you want."

"In a minute." She didn't sound like his Ceri, not really, and she wasn't dressed like her. "Where did you get that robe?"

"Its cute isn't it? Nate said he found it in a chest in the Keep hall." Ceri hooked her finger around the ring at the neck and tugged it. "Its Chasind."

"Yes."

"We cleaned your robe if you want to wear it later." Standing she went to the pile of clothing laid over a chair. "I found this one as well. If you'd prefer that." After giving it a shake, she held up the Tevinter style robe. "Its got gold braiding like the one you burned."

It might be his sleep fogged brain but Ceri seemed to be asking him more than which robe he wanted.

"That's the one I had when I escaped the Tower. Where did you find it?"

"At the bottom of Pounce's bed! It was all furry but I cleaned it." She was a bit proud of herself for doing that. All those cat hairs had taken ages to get off. "Didn't you like it any more?"

"No, I love that robe." It had represented freedom to him. He'd hidden it from the Templars and put it on the second he'd reached the Inn at Lake Calenhad. "Pounce was a kitten when Lilibeth gave him to me, he needed something safe to sleep on."

"Oh, the robe smelled like you?" She understood that. Hadn't she stood with her nose buried in his dirty robe for ages before the servant managed to pull it off her.

"Kittens need to feel safe."

"I know." Laying the robe carefully over the other, she patted them. "You can decide which one you want to wear later. Nate said to tell you he can give you some time."

"The Templars! Maker I forgot."

He was half out of the bed before Ceri managed to get around to stop him. "Lie down Anders, its alright. Nate told you a lie."

"What?" He let her coax him back into the bed. "He didn't call the Templars?"

"No, I think he wanted to push you a bit." After settling him in, Ceri, patted the covers and sat on the edge of the bed. "He's cute isn't he? He flirted with me! Then I made him run away."

"Nate flirted with you? Nathaniel Howe? The arch-demon?" She giggled and something shifted in his chest. "Don't. Don't do that."

"Anders." He shuddered and Ceri touched his forehead lightly. "Sleep."

"No. Don't." His hand shot up to grab hers. "Please don't."

"You're sad. I don't want you to be sad."

"Ceri."

He was still in so much pain. Ceri knew she could put Anders to sleep against his will but he'd asked her not to. Instead she lay down over him. "Hold on to me Anders. Hold on." His grip would leave bruises but that was easily fixed. What mattered that he found some comfort in holding her.

Face buried in her hair, Anders wished he could cry. That would be some release. Instead all he could do was feel himself shuddering while he tried to hold Ceri tightly enough so he'd stop. Ceri. He'd had so little time with her and what time he'd had he'd wasted. If he'd known. How stupid, how could he have known?

Lost in his grief it took a while before he noticed she was gasping for breath. "Maker I'm strangling you."

"Don't let go. Its alright." His arms loosened but he didn't let go completely. "Just hold on to me."

Feeling his body slowly start to relax he he took deep breaths. "You smell the same." She shifted but held her still. "Why do you smell like her?"

"I make the soap I wash my hair with."

It wasn't the herbs in the soap. It was her he could smell. The warm slightly salty smell of her skin, mixed with something that was just Ceri.

That only meant the body was the same. He'd loved Ceri for who she was, not for her body.

"You cleaned the cat hair off my robe?"

"It took ages but it was fun. I liked making it pretty for you." His arms tightened but not as much as before. "The Chasind one is clean too. It was a bit smelly. The servant told me we should throw it away."

"Did you stop her love?"

"I did. I like that one. It makes you look all rustic and handsome."

"Why did you clean the other one, if you prefer the Chasind?"

"You had one like that before, when we first met. I thought you might like that kind instead."

"Did you?"

"You said the Circle robes were drab." Wanting to give Anders something more of herself, Ceri told him what she hadn't then. "Caladrius used to say that all the time. Our Circle mages wear our style of robe and he thought Ferelden mages looked drab. He said it matched your drab country and drab people."

"And our boring architecture?" This time when she giggled Anders smiled. "You said it was boring."

"It is. It needs some sprucing up. A few scrolls and maybe some pointy bits."

"Pointy bits?"

"I'm not a mason. Pointy bits."

"Pointy bits then. We'll put them everywhere."

"You're silly." His arms tightened again and loosened. Did he hug her? "And smelly."

"Are you implying I need a bath?" Only a short while ago the idea of standing was too much, now, he felt he could run around the Keep grounds and still have energy to spare. "That's a tiny bit rude of you."

"You've been in bed for three days, time to wash."

"Three days. Maker I need to do more than wash."

. . .

Ceri stood pondering the bath and heard Anders come up behind her. "All finished?"

"Yes mamae." He stood with her to stare at the bath. "Why are we staring at the bath?"

"The water's cold."

"Ah." Feeling a little smug he tossed a small fireball in it. "Now its not."

"Show off."

"Jealousy is a sin against the Maker." After carefully testing the temperature he stepped in. "Ahh."

"I've got some soap I made." Ceri hurried to her pack and pulled it out. "Its elfroot and tarragon."

"Interesting mix." He held his hand out but she sat on the side of the bath and dipped it in the water. "Going to wash me love?"

"Yes. You won't do it right."

"Far be from me to argue with a. Holy Maker."

Ceri giggled. "That's your stomach."

"Just getting ready for later."

"Do you want sex with me?" Ceri watched her hands lathering his chest, not his face. "I didn't think you liked me."

"Ceri, look at me." She wouldn't and finally Anders just lifted her chin. "I don't like you. I love you." Her lip quivered. "No crying, I've done enough of that for both of us. Happy face."

"Happy face."

"Now finish washing me wench so we can go forth and conquer our enemies."

"Yes ser."

Anders lay back and enjoyed the novelty of being washed. "You know love, its odd, I think this is the first time I've had a woman wash me since my mother died."

"That is odd." Feeling his need for lightness, Ceri dipped the soap to wet it and scrubbed it roughly across his chest. "Didn't that Namaya do that thing with her tongue when you were in a bath with her?" One eye opened to glare at her.

"You read my spell book."

"I was bored, it was so quiet with you asleep. And it was just lying there, all full of secrets."

"Ah huh."

"I did learn some new spells as well some sex tips. Spirit spells are fun. I want to try mana clash on you soon."

"No you don't." She was certainly washing him with great vigour. "Less scrubbing more stroking."

"Okay." This time she lathered up her hands and used those. "Do all men put sex in their spell books?"

"I have no idea. I use it to inspire me to learn. It started when I was an apprentice. All those basic healing spells, boring. Add some graphic sex and instant fascination."

"It did inspire me to learn those spirit spells. I didn't know you could even get into that position. Lilibeth must have been very flexible." His chest jerked when he laughed. "Didn't it hurt her?"

"Not unless she moans like that when she's in pain."

"My spell book is boring, just full of evil maleficar things. Oh and a piece of your robe. The one you burned."

That touched him, to think she'd keep something so trivial just because it had been his. It also made him feel like an idiot for listening to her and not his own feelings. Ceri was Ceri even with a piece missing. He didn't love the pieces of her, he loved her, maleficar or not.

Then her hand slid further down and his thoughts scattered. When he called on the Maker this time it was in earnest.

. . .

"Which one?"

Anders chewed thoughtfully and studied the two robes Ceri held up. "The Tevinter one saved my sanity and kept Pounce safe."

"That one then?" She held it further forward.

"Hmm." These peaches were good. He could see why she'd enjoyed them so much. "The Chasind one was a gift from a friend." He loved that she smiled at that. "More importantly you like it."

"That one?"

The both knew he was doing more than choosing which robe to wear. If he wore the old one, he'd be telling Ceri he couldn't accept who she was now, that he wanted the other Ceri more. The Chasind on the other hand, was her favourite. He'd worn it during the worst days of his life.

Odd how that made him like it even more.

She shouldn't need the reassurance, he'd admitted he loved her and they'd shared some incredibly inventive sex in the bath. Whatever else Ceri was though, she was a woman. She'd need this final confirmation that he'd chosen her.

"The Chasind one. Pounce needs his bed back."

. . .

Nate paused, one hand on the door handle. After giving himself a moment to listen he knocked quickly and pushed the door open. Thankfully they were both fully dressed and standing in the middle of the room. It didn't look like he'd interrupted anything intimate.

"I'm sorry Anders, I can't give you any more time. I need you."

"On my way." Anders held he hand out to Ceri. "Coming love?" His whole body seemed to sing when she laughed.

"Not with Nate watching." She let out a shriek when he scooped her up.

"Let's go Howe, I've got the baggage."

Nate stood back to let them pass but Anders stopped next to him.

"Thank you."

"There's no need."

"There is." Anders knew Nate had given him more time than he should have to grieve. He also knew now that he'd watched over Ceri when he was unable to. "Very much a need. You're a true friend Nate." Hitching Ceri higher he started walking. "If you tell anyone I said that I'll deny it."

"Understood."


End file.
